Warning: If you don't recognize sarcasm, don't bother with this page.

Alex. The consensus (amongst such experts as my mother and my grandmother) seems to be that Alex is the most handsome of all my friends. Now, you're probably thinking, "Gee, then Ben's friends must all be pretty ugly." Fortunately, you're wrong; blame this picture on me, not Alex.

Alex, in his natural habitat, driving his big "Tahoe," polluting the "environment." Note the skillful insertion of a hand into the bottom of the frame.

So Alex managed to do a little better this time. However, his wonderful composure required the sacrifice of everything else in this picture. Kristen came out okay, but Viet (who doesn't like to be photographed, apparently), managed to squeeze himself behind Alex, while Liza started to reveal her inner witch. (Can you think of a better way to describe what she's doing?)

Although Kristen is the center of this picture, which helps a lot, I still managed to screw it up. Note the nice, sharp shadow I gave her, and the wonderful convergence of the walls which makes it obvious that I was looking down on her from above.

Melissa is stunning as usual, so it would have taken a lot more work to make her look bad, but I did manage to cleverly obscure Anne-Marie. That's okay; you don't need to see her because the two of them look the same. (Just kidding, guys!) It also appears that Kristen likes to have her fingers in pictures, as she cleverly waited until I was just about to take the picture, then thrust her hand into the frame. She may dispute this, but we all know it's true.

I think this is the most amazing picture that I have ever taken. The timing here is so exquisite. Most would think it impossible to catch everyone in a bad moment at the same time—but that didn't stop me from trying. When you're done admiring my work, feel free to email me your congratulations.

Denman, acting very unenthusiastic about being in a picture. Ignore the man behind her or the fishbowl in front of her.

Denman, still quite unenthusiastic. At least she doesn't run away like Viet. :] Fortunately, the rest of this picture helps a lot. James is being silly (which I claim no credit for!), and Michael and David are smiling as always. (Note that David is also much better photographer than I am!)

James. What would we ever do without him? Well, I'm glad you asked. I, for one, feel a heck of a lot smarter when he's not around.

Of the scenes in my photos, this one would certainly be the most typical. What else are James and Patrick going to do at a new year's party? Talk to people? Hah! They'd rather beat up on each other. Of course, neither one of them can stand up to me; we all know that my video game skills are far superior to my photographic abilities.

Patrick in his room. Note the sad longing in his eyes as he pines for the girl he loves but who is sadly currently involved with another man. We can look back happily, knowing that the girl he loves—What the heck am I talking about? Tammy had nothing to do with this picture!

Okay, so this picture didn't come out so bad. Except for the fact that it's dark and Patrick is out of focus. And I had to be so obvious while taking the picture that Patrick looked at me. Just pretend he's looking at Liza. Speaking of which, I have no idea what she's looking at. Probably just pondering the vastness of it all. Yeah, whatever. There's no way that I could capture such an intimate moment. The coolest thing about this picture, though, is Liza's cornea:

For some reason, Sarah likes to dress up as Patrick. Fortunately, I persuaded her to let me photograph her. I like the way Alex is peering out from behind Sarah, but the huge flash shadow pretty much ruins the whole effect. Sigh.

Wow! For once, Viet looked happy to be in a photo! I think that was because he was on his second or third glass of champagne for the night. Silly Viet. And thanks a lot, Dave, for being large and blocking everyone in sight. Oh wait, that's my fault. Also, I swear that I was toasting, too. Really, I can toast and take pictures at the same time! I'm that good.

My apologies to those who were obscured by big men, or didn't appear at all (e.g. Will and Gwyneth). You just gotta be more photogenic, man! Or I gotta be a better photographer...